What can you do in one second? A lot, actually. Okay, maybe not the photocopying, dinner preparations or walk the dog, but a second is long enough to do at least one very important thing. Make a choice. 

“You have a choice in every moment,” is my latest, favourite line to say to my family. 

There are a lot of ‘moments’ in our house: 

• Like when one daughter uses the other’s off-limits clay face mask. 
• Like when my teen doesn’t clean up the kitchen after herself (again). 
• Like when those under the age of seventeen walk out of their bedrooms dressed for school wearing what looks like undergarments. 

I call those moments ‘hot seconds’, because they are often on the warm side. Heat can rise through my body quickly—I turn into sweaty Bethy! I am literally hot, and my reactions could be, too: 

• “You know your not supposed to use your sister’s mask without asking!” 
• “I’ve asked you to ‘do a look back’ when you leave the kitchen many times.” 
• “Get back into your room and put a shirt over that bra!” 

I’ve been training myself to simmer down. As someone on the steep ‘parent of teens’ learning curve, calm is definitely an asset. 

Teachers, too, are trying to spread the word on the fine art of thinking before speaking. I love this content from a poster at my daughters’ elementary school: 

THINK before you Speak

T – is it true?

H – is it helpful?

I – is it inspiring? 

N – is it necessary?

K – is it kind? 

I find I’m often reminding my girls of the ‘helpful’, ‘necessary’ and ‘kind’ parts in particular. My standards seem realistic—it’s not like I’m expecting them to say something ‘inspiring’ for goodness sake! 

Teenage brains are not wired for impulse control. Therefore it comes as no great surprise, although great frustration, that my girls continue to do and say things that just don’t need to be said—at home, and sometimes at school, too. 

Enter the school of life. High school being one of the greatest and unrelenting teachers, where social consequences are magnitudes greater than any consequence at home. 

Maybe it’s going to be the ‘school of life’ that finally pushes my teens to practice the skill of noticing when they’re having a hot second, then choosing, intentionally (and hopefully appropriately), how to respond. Once they masters the basics—speaking true, helpful, necessary and kind words—maybe one day they’ll even say something inspiring. 

A mother can only dream.